I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
