Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
