We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
