I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
