tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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