I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
