I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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