moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
