so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
