I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
