I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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