oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
