Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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