Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize