He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
