Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize