By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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