I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
