If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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