no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
