just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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