At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
