I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
