Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
