Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
