That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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