i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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