: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Randomize
