let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
