If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
