I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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