I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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