That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
