You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
