Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.