I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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