i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
