i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
