Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
