seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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