They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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