drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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