OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
