I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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