You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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