the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
