Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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