"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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