She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
