Pappa wants mamma naked
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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