had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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