Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
