It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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