Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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