Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
