Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
