My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
