No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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