I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
