The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
