I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
