Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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