This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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