guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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